You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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