I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We need to rekindle our bromance
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
