woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
