whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
