I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
