I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
