have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
sarcasm needs its own font
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
