How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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