a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
