the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
