im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
