he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
