So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
