I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
