all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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