I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
