You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
