Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Im part way to drunk.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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