I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
