Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
