So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
