You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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