hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
