Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
