So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
