girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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