Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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