he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
