He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
