forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
