honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
