best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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