fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
