And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
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I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
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I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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