Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
