I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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