Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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