All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
