I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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