I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
