some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
