I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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