maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
