Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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