Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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