you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
