he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i barfeds in our rink
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
