when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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