She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
