I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
