I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
