Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
