i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
