she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
