My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
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either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
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Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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