Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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