how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
