...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize