Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
