We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
