I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
