if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
