If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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