does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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