the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize