Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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